patience…patience…patience. that is what God is calling out to me lately. learn to be patient. but why? why do I have to be patient? I have been thinking about this quite a bit today. what does it mean to be patient?
patient: bearing provocation, annoyance, misfortune, delay, hardship, pain, etc., with fortitude and calm and without complaint, anger, or the like.
so, why is this so difficult? and why is it so important that God talks to us about it in His Word?
I keep thinking about God’s timing. trusting Him, believing He has my plan and my story mapped out, and I just need to follow Him in order to obtain it. I also think about all the blessings that have come my way because I have not yet received that which I ask for. I see my husband and I continue to grow in love, learning each other better all the time. I see us growing financially. not only are we paying down old debts, but we are learning how not to create new ones. we are learning to be patient for the things we want in life. I see us both growing in maturity towards life and what life deals down to us. I see acceptance for things we cannot change. and I see our faith growing in leaps and bounds. there are so many positive things that have come from us being patient…waiting……and waiting on God, not just on ourselves.
but I’m not going to sugar coat it. it IS hard. I want to control…I want to fix…I want to manage…I want to plan. and I am planning, and I can only assume that that is appropriate. adam and I are being patient, waiting on a baby. we are waiting on our son or daughter to come meet us. however he/she arrives, we are being patient. and it is so so hard. I am overjoyed to see my friends get pregnant. I am blessed to watch their babies grow, and watch them work through the trials of being parents. I am being educated, and learning to have an open mind about what it means to be a parent. God is teaching me. He is helping me grow…in the midst of this patience. and most importantly, today, I realized He is teaching me to live in this time of waiting. we are so often looking towards the next thing. going to highschool, driving a car, graduating, going to college, starting a job, getting married, buying a home, having a baby, ….then the baby comes, and we beg for it all to slow down. so many moms I have spoken with have expressed the desire to make the next thing STOP coming so fast. “why can’t she be little forever”…”I’m not ready for him to go to school yet”…”they grow up so fast….i blinked and he became a man”.
how can we learn to live in this moment of our lives? God keeps us in waiting periods so often. we work towards moving into the next season, but sometimes it is out of our hands. and waiting on a baby has made that clearer than any other stage in my life. I feel in control when finding a new job, paying off my debts, getting married, etc. I feel like I have a huge hand in making those things happen or not happen. but a baby…a miracle…a gift of life inside my womb, or inside another woman’s womb to somehow find me? now that…..at that I am completely lost for words. I am putty in His hands, and begging for His plan. and I trust Him. I see friends who got pregnant unexpectedly, and they will tell you, “this baby saved my life”…”if I had not gotten pregnant, I don’t know where I would be today”. and it only makes me trust His timing more. He knows when the time is right. and I will surrender to that. in the meantime, I want to appreciate the time I have now…as me and my husband…as me alone.
be patient, amanda. be patient in paying off your debts. you will get there, it just takes time. be patient, amanda, in your weight loss endeavors. it takes time to lose weight, and you just have to stick with it. be patient, amanda, before buying a house. the timing is not right yet. be patient, amanda, for your child. They will come in the right time.
….and be thankful, amanda, while you wait. be content with what has been given to you, because so much has been given.
I am so so blessed. so blessed. and I want to focus on my blessings today and everyday. God may never give adam and I a baby. and if he does not, it is important that we don’t waste another day wishing for what we do not have, but rather recognizing what we do.
…..and I must remind myself of this…every day. it will not be easy, but it will help me grow.