why i left facebook…

i could likely talk about this for days. because the longer i consider it, the more reasons there are to have left. i “deleted” my account today…which you have to go to a special site that you have to google to find. they will keep your page forever hidden away in their secret stash, but your photos, notes, etc. gets removed from their servers. tricky, tricky, tricky….now, let’s dive in.

my final profile picture
my final profile picture

Number One — Privacy Mush.
facebook is getting scary, ya’ll. all this stuff about social experiments and facebook messenger app is scary and weird. i think because my generation grew into the social media right as we became independently thinking young adults, we take for granted that all is safe. the internet is something that most of us still do not truly understand. and to know that there are sites that are storing all my PERSONAL information is weird. online banking is scary enough! i know we could talk about all the things on the internet that are “scary” and how this statement could possibly be construed as hypocritical if i’m going to keep instagram and whatnot, but i guess you have to start somewhere, right? and today, it’s facebook. i am not educated enough about all these types of things, and really, they aren’t the most important reason i am leaving, so that’s all i will say about that.

Number Two — Attitude? Check.
this is the big one. i heart facebook, to be quite honest. i love to look at all my friends pretty pictures, and be exposed to funny buzzfeeds and music. i love seeing my niece sing and my sister’s photography. i live in a bit of a bubble as it is, and facebook usually keeps me somewhat aware of what is going on in the world.

but there are some major pitfalls to this sort of exposure. while i am inspired, i also, in a most honest and transparent way, have to admit that i spend a lot of time subconciously comparing my life to other people’s. and i know this is a typical struggle, but i think that if i step back, i tend to experience more feelings of lack or regret than of joy and satisfaction.

on another note….it has become a total compulsion for me. if i get up in the morning with time to spare, i tend to spend time on facebook, checking in on everyone’s feed rather than making breakfast or going for a run. that is what i got up early for, but i end up getting “distracted” and letting my plans fall away. same with work. if i’m here and it is slow, then i will spend hours just scrolling. not necessarily posting, but just being a voyer. and that leads back to the feelings i mentioned above…feeling like i’m not doing enough with my life, that i’m not experiencing enough….

WHICH, brings me to my next thought. when i DO experience something amazing, beautiful, emotional, truly life changing, i can’t help myself from posting it. in fact, it’s almost like it wasn’t AS awesome unless i share it with the facebook world. but whatever happened to just sharing these things with the people closest to us? and i mean REALLY closest to us. the other night, my husband and i were having dinner, and he did something so silly and so funny…i laughed one of those deep belly laughs. you wanna know what my VERY FIRST THOUGHT was? “i should post this on facebook”. that’s a problem. an official problem.

Number Three — Are You There God? It’s me, Amanda.
this one is tricky to convey. this may not be the problem for many of you, but my relationship with God has been heavily directed by facebook. it has become my church. inspirational quotes, messages, songs that draw me to the Lord….aaaaaaaaaaaaaand that’s it….i let my own personal relationship sortof fall off, and i haven’t been to church regularly in ages. i have no community here near my home of fellow believers that i meet with on sundays in the flesh. because facebook has “sustained” me by providing some Godly encounters. but that can’t be all there is. in the morning, i could be studying my bible. at night, i could be praying. but i don’t. i get so drawn away. it’s just like any distraction, but this one sortof snuck up on me. i didn’t even realize how much TIME i was spending on social media. and how much time i could be spending on other things.

—————————————————————————————————

this is all personal preference. it’s all personal struggle and personal testimony. i am not trying to get everyone to leave facebook, and i’m not trying to tear down anyone who stays. in its humble beginnings, it was meant to be good. and it was for me. but now, now i have forgotten who i am living for. when i see something awesome, i forget that i used to be introspective and let it find root in me. now i just blurt it out on my wall and kindof forget about it. and there is something sacred about the relationship between husband and wife….we get to see sides of each other that we are honored to know, and maybe, just maybe it isn’t everyone else’s business. at least not the 200+ people i couldn’t bring myself to defriend on there. as we grow together and experience life together, and maybe one day get pregnant and have a family and grow old and experience disease and sadness, maybe we should keep those things close to the heart. and while some people can, i found that i had lost my ability to maintain some privacy in my life, my thoughts, my emotions, my experiences. i think it is time to get back to my roots a little bit.

my hope is that this blog might encourage someone who might be dealing with similar struggles. maybe i could help put into words something that you struggled to see clearly in your own thoughts.

Advertisements

a color of cake…

cake

every 5-year olds delight! i recently celebrated my best friend’s daughter’s birthday. it was, in 5-year-old fashion, at a giant jumping house play place. and dear ‘ol mom made an incredibly delightful cake. it was rainbow….

i hear the way you do this is to cook all the color-dyed batters in different pans, then put it all together. i’m not sure how that works. i also read that you can dye the batter, then pour it in sections on top of each other in one single pan. i haven’t tried it, but it turned out beautiful, and the birthday girl was nothing less than thrilled. i’m glad these children are…well…children, because they get so excited i could swear their little hearts will explode in their chests! another awesome looking cake is this one….

Polka Dot 22 w blog link-001

you can find the blog about this cake at Once Upon a Pedestal. something you may not know about me is that i am completely in love with dots. so, this cake would be right in my wheelhouse. (i love that phrase) so, there is a little celebratory guidance for you.

on a random note, i have a few blogs coming up that i am excited about. i don’t know what has struck me, but a desire to be more natural is hanging around my brain. i learned how to make my own deodorant, and i think i will be giving that a try this weekend. i have heard good and bad about it, and solutions to the issues. i will let you know how that goes.

i am also doing a few small home-renovation type things. very, very…..very small. we rent, so obviously there is only so much we can do.

i will say, since i left facebook, i have been spending much more time finding myself. i do not believe everyone needs to make this move, but for me, it has been grand. if you follow my blog, you will remember the post i did about social media, and how i feel a tad robbed of my identity since i got taken by it, so i decided to put down one that i spend the most time on, which was facebook. it has been almost a month, and i do not miss it at all. in fact, i have heard from friends that i normally do not hear from since i left. and i have been submerging my mind into new things…for me. (i won’t go on about this right now because i feel like i am having a hard time explaining my thoughts properly). i did keep my facebook blog page (the rooftop birds, of course!), so you can still find me there if you were looking. 😉

well, happy wednesday. it may be dreary and crisp outside, but i am feeling warm and happy in here.

the generation of tomorrow…

i have always had a love/hate relationship with technology. i typically feel like i was born in the wrong year. not completely far off from the early ’80s, but maybe in the ’50s or ’60s would have been smarter. i loved the way true hippies dressed, the suburban neighborhood entertainment, and the way people used to communicate…”the old fashioned way”.

now, i love my cell phone. and i love to text. and i won’t lie that there are some grand conveniences to apps, camera phones, etc. (did i mention i have a love/hate relationship?) but i still feel as though all of these things take away from our privacy, and can pressure us to form bonds with people we might not on a normal day. allow me to explain…

i am 30 years old. i am of the generation that saw the first beeper, the first “car phone”, instant messaging, AOL, myspace, etc. i remember my first AOL account username, and how exciting it was the “chat” on my computer. but i feel like a major disconnect in reality came with the introduction of “Myspace”. yes, it was cool to put your picture up and interact with your friends, but all of a sudden we were thrown into this world where privacy was dashed into the wind….and we WELCOMED it!

i will be very transparent. because of the age i was at when all this began, i feel like i lost my true self for several years, and just recently have begun to find her again. the true me, the one that didn’t try to impress anyone in my home life, the one that was awkward when i was awkward, boring when i was boring, and introverted when i was feeling introverted lost her way in a world of “i went here”, (like anyone should have cared on a day to day basis) “i listen to these bands”, (even if i had only heard 1 song by them) “i think these movies are cool” (even if some of them i haven’t seen), and “i’m friends with this many people”, when in actuality, i had either only met some of them, or knew them through other people. my generation slipped away into a world that did not resemble reality at all. i hate facebook and twitter for those reasons.

last week i spent the WHOLE week cleaning out my facebook account. i got rid of apps that i never use and friends i never talk to. but i felt tons of guilt for it. why? why would i feel guilty ‘unfriend-ing’ someone that i haven’t spoken to in 5 years. see, this is where it is so false. when we were younger, we called to talk to the people we considered ‘friends’. we WANTED to hang out with them and speak to them, have coffee with them, be involved in their everyday decisions and choices, their struggles, their triumphs. but to do that, we invested our time and energy in them, and they trusted us with their personal, intimate details. but these social media tools take away from that effort. now, don’t hear me wrong. i LIKE facebook. my sister posts photos of my niece, and i love being able to keep up with what my friends are doing…but there is no need for me to be keeping up with everyone i ever met. but facebook does not make it easy to unfriend people. it was a challenge. and i don’t consider these people not my “friends”, but not people i should be sharing every single detail of my personal life with.

…this is a rant, i suppose, but i mean for it to be a revelation.

i am tired of being someone, and doing things, and taking part in activities, so that i can share it with the world of facebook. i feel like i became someone i wasn’t so that i could make people believe that i was “cool” or diverse, or unique. it took away some of my identity. it took away me being me, just for the sake of being me. i share this in hopes that if anyone out there feels like they have forgotten who they truly are, or feel like they are not themselves, perhaps take a moment to evaluate why you do what you do, and who you are doing it for.

i will keep my facebook account, and my blog, and my computer. like i said, it is a love/hate relationship, not a hate only relationship with technology. i think it is great for some reasons, like keeping in touch with my extended family, or a friend that changes their phone number constantly, or people that are hard to get in contact with. and i like sharing on here with you, blogging about the interesting things that the internet, this beast of technology, can teach me. i like that i found this avenue to be myself and people that enjoy who that truly is.