does it all HAVE to mean something?

i’m pretty sure i have posted about this before…in the past…i don’t know. but here it is, stumbling back into my brain like a drunk cousin that calls you for a place to sleep while they are “in town”.

courtesy of www.lindseyjohnsonphotography.com
courtesy of http://www.lindseyjohnsonphotography.com

it is odd, the feeling i get when i see kid art. something about kids painting pictures of their moms, their houses, their dogs, their unicorns…wait, what….their DREAMS…it always hits this innocent spot within me. it makes me remember the days i sat around and dreamed for no other reason other than to just dream. it felt good to believe the impossible, and seek out the unlikely. and when i see kid art, it reminds me that at some point in my life, i did things “just because”. i had absolutely no productive reason to do any of it, but i did it none the less. and it made me happy, even though there was no sellable product or result to come from it other than my mom telling me “good job” and my sister laughing at my polka-dotted horse that reminded her of something that had been shot…a bunch.

linds, it was POLKA-DOTS! that horse was beyond happy with its spots.

my husband is a big dreamer. he stops short when you ask him to do it out loud and on purpose, but that doesn’t matter. he LIVES it. i see him teach himself new tricks all the time — embracing the unknown and the lingering desire to just go and do. and i think, “man, i wish i were as unafraid and bold and in tune with my inner child”, but sadly, i am not.

but maybe i could be…

does it all HAVE to mean something? likely, the answer to this question is absolutely not. because if we allow ourselves to drift back to our childhood, maybe we can see that these gifts and creative impulses are to bring delight to God.

in those moments of letting loose, we find that those are some of the most treasured moments, moments that mean a great deal to our Father. He made us…and that doesn’t just include our thoughts and our actions and how we turned out as a responsible, involved adult…it means our creativity, our imagination, our dreams, our sense of humor. He made all of it. let loose, be ridiculous, draw a picture for no one, sing a song alone, make up a dance routine to a song in your kitchen (c’mon, you KNOW you used to do that when you were a kid…always a choreographer), tell a story that is complete fiction and fantasy and includes mermaids and giant sea people…do it, and you will feel all that stress and all that adult-ness wash away, if just for a moment. it doesn’t mean it won’t still be there, but maybe it will make it a little more manageable with a tiny laugh tucked safely away in your arsenal, helping you get through it with a smile.

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new year, new thoughts…

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it’s 2015. IT’S 2-0-1-5!!! and that is pretty unbelievable. i remember when I graduated high school, i thought years like this would never make it here because they were so unfathomable. but here it is in all its glory.

i’m a sucker for the new year. i love beginnings, and i AM one of those people that, even though i believe you can “begin” something at any time of the year, i get charged up by the number 1 and the concept of january, and monday.

most years, i make a decision to work out more. (this year is no exception, of course) but the big difference between this year and other years is that i am focused on LIFE! i want more life in my ….uh…..life. so my hubbs, our two best guy friends and i made a decision on new years eve to focus on one goal we want to attack RIGHT NOW. no more far away goals. right now goals are in my very touchable future.

new year’s resolutions/goals:
-to do something creative every month;
-to put God more into my daily living;
-to be satisfied with the parts of my life i can’t control.

#boom

so, to pick this a part a bit further, let me explain.

-to do something creative every month-
i was a fine art major in college. i have a degree to prove it. BUT, when i got out of college i let all of it go to crap. why? oh i’m sure i could entertain you with many reasons “why”, as we can all find excuses for anything and everything. but to be honest, i really don’t know why.
maybe i didn’t feel like it.
maybe i got bored.
maybe i was afraid.
maybe i was just downright lazy.
and the scariest one? maybe that’s not who i really am at all.
that last one is the one i have let torment me—convincing myself that i am a true fraud of a person who floats along not knowing what i’m doing or why.

with that in mind, i decided that in 2015, i am going to focus on ONE creative project per month. be it taking photos of something just for me, or doodling more, or making a piece of art for a friend, or learning to sew. SOMETHING. in school, they teach you to find a way to make a living doing art. props to the teaching, because if you are a fine art major, they SHOULD be teaching you how to move forward, out of your garage and into the world of business. but the bad thing? your brain turns to make-it-into-a-profit mush, and you forget that you started doing this because you loved to DO IT. so that’s the plan this year. make art and be creative just because…for no other reason at all.

-to put God more into my daily living-
i’m actually moved by my husband’s leadership in this. he wants us to read a chapter of the bible together every night, and that is awesome. really, what this is about for me is awareness. last night before dinner, hubbs read a verse to me. it’s a verse i have read a bajillion times (yeah, bajillion IS a word in my world), but last night, the verse just hit home. “create in me a pure heart, Oh God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.” —Psalm 51:10. we sat and talked about what it meant to us, and it hit me with a fresh awareness. i told adam that i believed that what this verse meant was me asking God to take all the nasty out of my heart, meaning all the judgement, all the criticism, all the impurities. and not only to do that, but to help me stay steadfast, persistent, strong and unwavering in that change. and you know what that takes? GOD. an everyday sort of God. a tiny, dark moments sort of friend who will be there in my head, where my integrity lies, and help me to overcome the sides of myself that well up and make me into a non-loving person. i want God to be so present in my daily living that he is there, like a best friend sitting on my shoulder, keeping me accountable and AWARE of where my heart is at.

-to be satisfied with the parts of my life i can’t control-
in the past, i have written about some struggles i have dealt with here, and that is still something on my heart. adam and i have been trying to build a family, but it appears that now simply isn’t the time. and i have peace with that. God got ahold of me at the Hope Spoken Conference last year and replaced fear with peace. however, it is still the desire of my heart, and i just have to keep trying and remember that God gave me this time to grow my marriage and to find myself. to serve him and to enjoy every moment i have here on this earth. and i intend to do so.

and i pray this for all of you. no matter where you are at, that is where you are, and you have to make the best of it. because there is always something good you can see, no matter how dark the sky gets. it’s not easy to focus on the good, but it’s there, all around us.

happy new year, my friends. i hope this year you find something new and good.